Tomb Sweeping Holiday


We have a three day holiday, not your typical long weekend with Monday off. This holiday the Chinese all work on Saturday to have Tuesday off. So here it is Tuesday morning and I don’t have to work. A tomb sweeping holiday is exactly that, the family go to the tombs to care for them. They take gold paper, representing money, pictures of a nice home, car and computer with a bottle of wine. The papers are burned and the wine poured around the tomb. The ancestors would receive these gifts in the guise of smoke to create a nice place to live, money and a new car in their heavenly space. Now days people are cremated, so these tombs are their grandparents and even further back. It reminds me of my mother going to Restland to polish my dads tombstone. It is very sweet and gives you a feeling of caring for our dead relatives. Honestly, I like the idea of cremation, it doesn’t take up space in the ground and with our every growing population, maybe the logical answer.

Therefore do you believe in life after death? Do you think we reincarnate? Has your soul been on earth before? Do you ever think what is it you are doing on earth? For me, I wonder why people die young like my son Andy. It brings home the sadness of being alone or without this wonderful man in my life. Whether you are Christian, Buddhist or just a spiritual person, we all care about our family, whether dead or alive. Tomb sweeping is a nice traditional to carry on, taking a day off and remembering.

My philosophy is we are old souls, coming and going through the school of life, here on earth. We try different combinations of family experiences when we incarnate. We have family groupings and may be a mom one time and a son the next. We experience being poor and struggling or being wealthy and having it all. We learn about different skills like painting, or fixing a car to teaching and being a doctor. We learn compassion, caring for another or we can learn to hate, fight and kill. I think we are given choices before we incarnate and get to experience what we chose. Since we are living on a planet of matter with yin and yang or positive and negative, I believe to experience a specific positive outcome we are given a negative lesson. You might join the army and kill to understand the compassion for children left homeless and wives without husbands. You might be the homeless child and grow up without a family to experience lack and compassion in a different way. There are so many scenarios and possible learning lessons. Think about your life, what is your learning lesson? Figuratively, where are you in life? What are you ignoring, and what lesson continues to repeat itself to you countless times, to get your attention? Are you learning your lessons or avoiding them?

I walked for two hours yesterday along and on top of the great city wall of Nanjing, it was made during the Ming Dynasty. It is old and tall containing bricks with calligraphy signatures of who built it. Up high you can see the city and along the footpath below were thousands of Chinese enjoying a beautiful spring day with their families. I miss my family. I watched children building sand castles, couples kissing, old ladies singing, old men hobbling along with canes and spiting. Young couples were photographing their children in the backdrop of flowering trees, some children had colorful animated balloons. The most surprising thing, I saw an old man leaning on the wall sunning himself, with his pants unzipped exposing himself. What was this about? I noticed people would ignore him and walk on, so did I. What is his lesson?

All of these people have a reason to be here, each with their own lesson. Think about your life, what your station in life is, where you are and what you are doing. Then ask yourself, what is my lesson?

If you would like to share it, please reply, I am curious.

Am I really a Gypsy in the Ukraine?

Last night in a haze of boredom, I got on a dating site in search for the ever allusive male. Instead of searching for the “bubba” of my life, I went to the test section. After two hours of taking at least a dozen tests I have come up with who I am and what I need.

I started with some simple tests — like What Country Do You Belong In, and low and behold I should be in the Ukraine! Confusing, I thought till I took more tests and unraveled the real mystery to my quest. I took the Philosophy test and found I relate most to Edmund Husserl the father of phenomenology! Yes, you read that right, phenomenology! And you ask what the hell is that? Simply the disciplined study of the human experience. I can so relate! My Taste In Art test shows I am a non-conformist, a visionary, and independent. Yes well we all know that! Then for fun I took the Angel test to see which one I am most attracted to and it came up with Archangel Jeremiel, whom I have never heard of. Seems he appears to clarify our visions and help our dreams become lucid. He is there when you are taking an inventory of your life. Now who is in China figuring out her life and just had a dream/vision about how to attract a soul-mate? Clarify Jeremiel, clarify!

On to the Perception Personality test, and I am a trailblazer, a lover of nature looking for the little hidden treasures in life and how that is effected by the details of life. I am Aphrodite in the Greek God test, now that got a bit scary. Then lastly and the most important test, the Reincarnation Placement test! When I come back where is the most likely point of placement? Yes, the Gypsy Camp! I will be placed with a hardy gypsy family, where at last I will fit in! The road my home, the horses my family, dancing before I can walk and I can wear shiny things! Here I will find my oasis of compatibility in an unbalanced world. After reading this I know all is right in my world.

Just for grins I took the What Kind of Man Turns You On and to my surprise it is an exotic bad-ass! Yes the masculine Greek god, exotic and mysterious type and a total bad-ass! Kind of a shocker, looking out of this conservative sweet facade. Then it flashed before my eyes, what kind of men did I marry? Well yes, the bass-asses or bad asses or ass-aholics, all one in the same! And maybe I need to look for something a bit different in the Ukraine! I googled the Ukraine and low and behold it is the home of the gypsies!

Does someone see a meaning here? I do, but then I am being phenomenological!

Andy-The Crazy Glue that holds us together!


Traditions! It is 6 pm on March 24th in the United States, and all my children, family and all Andy’s friends are eating at Red Lobster in memory of him on his 31st birthday. I had my dinner out 13 hours ago, at 6 pm here in China at a German pub called “Golden Hans.”

The dinner tradition started when Andy was 12. It was his wish to always go to Red Lobster and order shrimp, crabs and a lobster. He would order the most expensive dish and proceed to eat it all! Ever year since then I would take him out on his birthday. Randy reminded me of the last time we shared Andy’s birthday was in Plano at the Red Lobster on Central Expressway. Grand-maw had a diabetic attack and Kyle had a hypoglycemic attack. It was hilarious, a day all of us remember and still laugh about. Andy just wanted his lobster!

I spent last evening with my colleagues Jonathan, his wife Liwei, Alice, her husband Sawyer and Peter. The six of us enjoyed a wonderful long evening chatting about antics I remembered about Andy. Peter and Jonathan ordered a tower of dark beer in memory! Skewers of meat arrived at the table, from pork, chicken, wings, tongue, beef, shrimp, sausage, and assorted other things I did not know. I laughed thinking how Andy would have a fork in one hand and a knife in the other saying “Bring it on!” and complaining the beer glasses were too small, the size of a shot glass! He has a big smile on his face.

It was a lovely evening, first time in a long time, I felt at home in a far away place. I love my family and I love my friends here and there. I am now waiting to see photos on Facebook of all the dinners in America.

Cheers to Andy, the crazy glue that holds us together!

Finding a Soul Mate


Last night I awoke with the most wonderful vision in my head on how to attract a soul mate. It was a lovely image of my heart exploding in plumes of colorful flames through my body and out my head. My head looked like little spaghetti light rays each with metallic colored confetti sparkles bursting off the ends of each light string. Each string of light carried a wonderful quality of my being, like kindness, loving children, loving friends, joy, caring, peacefulness, creativeness and so on. Positive only characteristics were in each sparkle. The sparkles seemed to ignite as I thought of more and more delightful loving distinctions of myself. I realized I opened my heart and let all the good come forth. It released into the Universal consciousness sending out little positive ions to attract like particles and then return to me that which is similar, a soul mate if you please.

March 20th— update…. I had another dream the next night. An angel appeared in a vision as I was waking and put a golden halo around all my light rays to group them together, kinda like tying a ribbon around them. Now when they go into the ethers they are in a “package deal.” All my good qualities will go forth and connect with someone of like qualities. How wonderful! I heard him say do this twice a day for 30 days and then you will have your soul mate! ok on April 20th we will see what appears.

The mystery of life

There are people in this world that question. I am one among many. It is the IB way… Yes, this is the program I teach: International Baccalaureate Visual Arts. Do you think and question? Do you ponder, then go out and create by writing, drawing, making music, figuring out mathematical equations or scientific problems? It is about what makes you tick. It’s not about taking some ones idea and copying it, or taking a photo and griding it or even blowing it up on an opaque projector to create art. It is having a vision and documenting your ideas in a notebook, like Leonardo da Vinci then taking your idea and manifesting it into something real, tangible and of value. I have been doing this for almost a year via a blog and an investigation journal. I think, dream, have visions, then draw, write, list and compare what I have thought over time. Reread and rethink. It is learning to adjust to life and what it throws you. Listening to John Mayer and a CD he recording in 2009 called Battle Studies, inspires me. The entire CD is about heartbreak, love and suffering. Interesting collection of songs, seems he may have endured the pain of love and loss to write such ballads. He is a person with a question and trying to find an answer through song.

Interesting how music and art walk hand in hand. My music producer friend Rich Patz from Houston told me years ago, he could hear melody’s in his head then just play them, that is how he created and wrote songs. I had a few melody’s, but not knowing music composition I could not write them down. I have visions of completed art compositions and have awoke to create them as I saw them in my dreams. I had one before my daughter Sam was born. It was a picture showing a future art conte drawing with Randy, Casey, Andy and Sam. I waited till she was born and old enough to pose her the way I saw her in my dream.and then created the composition. Randy has big eyes and looks shy, Casey has a silly giggle, and Sam on her tummy with a sweet smile. It is one of my favorite drawings with all four children and a stuffed monkey Andy had to hold. The monkey has become an interesting visual about Andy. Now in China I found his zodiac sign is the monkey, which fits him well. The last few days of his life, his girl friends brought him a huge monkey to cheer him up. Just a nice reminder of how images weave through life.

My friend Chris Reynolds says she is jealous of me coming in China and others say how brave I am. It’s not about my bravery but how I am questioning my life and trying to find the answer. Maybe there is no answer, maybe it is just the journey. Never finding the answer just always on the quest. “The mystery of life” as Peter Smith would say.

I’m in Repair

I’m in repair, can’t walk back into life
Can’t take a step, I am in repair
Waiting for a part to patch my broken heart
Broken hearted and thinking about what could have been
I can’t have you anymore, broke in half, no longer whole,
Just pieces that remain
Needing someone to fix a hole in my heart
Where is my part, has it come in?
Can someone repair me?
News Flash! It won’t be you
You broke me, and can’t mend me now
Go away, leave
Let me salvage what remains
I’m in repair, can’t walk back into life
I’m in repair.

So what do you think? I have a couple musicians that want to create a melody to it. Maybe I will be the next Dixie Chick!!!

The mysterious man in black shoes

Winter should be ending soon. Life is like seasons, hardest time is always during the winter. Then spring appears and life is lighter, sunnier and easier. I am eager for spring, a long sunny day, beautiful clear skies, flowers in bloom, and the smell of new growth. It is time for a fresh start. When Andy died and my whole life came tumbling down into one horrible heap, I realized this span in China has been a season of healing. It is a time to see, to ponder life and understand it’s meaning. I’ve spent a duration in this chair typing on my laptop and looking out my Chinese apartment window more than anything I have ever done in years. I see the pagoda, it is like a beacon in time for me portending my life. I find I not only write about it, draw it but have dreams about it.

The other night I awoke from a strange dream of the pagoda in a whirl of misty foggy clouds, like an old black and white movie. At the bottom step was a pair of feet standing in black shoes, just waiting. It was vague as the clouds covered the man and all I saw were shoes. I woke up smiling. Tell me the psychological meaning? Where is the dream book when you need it? It is locked in a cardboard box in a storage unit in America. I keep thinking maybe I ought to take a trip to the pagoda and look for that guy…but I think it is a metaphor for my life.

Looking forward to finding the person standing in black shoes. Life is such a mystery.

What is your angle?

Exploring Shanghai I found some interesting pictures, angles of life.

I was thinking about “angles”! An interesting word, with many definitions. How we manipulate one another, “What is your angle?” and “What is the angle of that building?” or “What angle will I shot this picture?” How can I combine all these angles into one blog. Many facets into one.

I asked a question today about angles…on Facebook, and to my co-workers, just to see what responses I would get. Thanks Mike Bell for “Obtuse!” Peter Smith said his angle when it comes to women is to ask, “What is your star sign?” Then there was Joey in “Friends” and his famous “Howww you, do-innn?” in his Bronx voice. Alice said the Chinese angle was for a young man to ask a young woman to borrow her book, then return it with a note inside. The note would say how about going to a film? If he returned the book without a note, guess he wasn’t interested! Poor girl.

My angle or ‘one line’ was never to have one. But by not having one, I have one, no matter. It is like being alone, or lonely or on your own. It is one in the same, like an oxymoron. You don’t have one, you have one.

My artist angle is to zoom in and crop what I like, look for the details. Are you what I like? Let me adjust my aperture and decide on my angle! Click! Nice shot! I like this one.

Being single- no bubbas here!


Been awhile since I posted, but I spent some quality time with my wonderful son Randy, actually ten days fiddle-farting around China. He said we took over 1000 pictures. Have I got many posts and blogs to create. I put him on a plane yesterday afternoon and here I sit alone. Yes, alone again.

Today I am thinking not about our escapades or adventures around Shanghai or Nanjing, but about being single. Are you single? Then you know what I mean, when I say I hate being alone! Those of you that are married, will not understand, unless you have a marriage on the verge of disaster. Alone will drive you crazy. Ten days with Randy kept me so busy and happy I forgot what it was like to go back to just me. Alone, why did God create us as a separate individual? We search for the right one and hope we find that “soul mate.” I look at my friends Ann, Connie and Linda all married to their first love, all these years. I thought that would be me, not hardly. They have the best men ever, funny sweet and caring. So here I sit writing and listening to love ballads by Dixie Chicks and the men that “dun you wrong…” What happened to that dream, the one man that would be there forever. How did you girls do it? Tell me!

My wonderful single friends Joyce and Patti, what the hell did we do to end up single? We are the best catch ever! I know you two girls better than anyone in this whole world and I know your value. Let me tell you the men that let you go, were stupid or didn’t deserve you. And here I am again, single with you, the “Three Musketeers.” Girls where are our kindred souls? I think we must be just too damn good, too smart, and too sweet for what is left out there. Here I sit in the middle of China… and there is no one here to even date, like being purple in a world of yellow. You just don’t fit in, but I would probably feel the same in Texas. I am so different and find that Texas “bubbas” didn’t fill my wishes. Bubbas – the world is full of them. For those of you that don’t understand the definition of a bubba, here is my version. “A man with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other, sitting in a lounge chair, feet up and yelling at the little woman, to bring him another beer and check his steak on the grill, while he watches the super bowl game.”

If you are laughing cause you married one, bless your heart. And if you are one, get your ass out of that chair and go wash some dishes and hug your wife. As far as it goes, I don’t want to marry another one! Thank you very much! I want a man that understands life, is my soul mate (is that even possible?) and is funny… I need some funny in my life. If your not a bubba, give me a call or just dig straight across the world, I am in China.

Love yourself first to best love another!

Today is Chinese New Year’s eve, and I have a dinner to attend downtown.  Cabs will be scarce so I may have to take a bus and the metro.  This could be another humorous adventure for me.  Speaking of humorous, I have a dear friend in Houston that made a comment to me today about love and humor.  He says,  “the most intimate and successful relationships, he has observed is the “love yourself first to best love another” feature in common.”  What a wonderful thought he expressed to me.  We both find love and humor walk hand in hand.

I think of my past relationship and I can truly say he did not love himself.  I ponder this, and think why was that so?  How can someone not love who they are?  Such a foreign  thought for me, because loving myself is so easy.  I so enjoy who I am and I seem to be my best friend.  I can entertain, cook and just find things to do all the time to enjoy.  I find humor in just the simplest sights and actions.  I like to write funny stories about the simple everyday humor I bump into.  The camel at the toll booth as we are driving to the Great Wall, oh my gosh how funny is that?  Paying 5 RMB to take an old wrinkly Chinese lady’s picture and I had to ‘Jew’ her down from 10!  The term “Jew.” I picked up from my dad.  He used that expression when be bargained for antiques.  He was such an “Archie Bunker” personality!  You want to laugh, let my dad talk about diverse populations in his 60’s slang wording?  OMG he would embarrass me to death as a teenager.  What I would give to sit at the kitchen table and just listen to him, now.  He died of cancer some years back.

If you are seeing humor and experiencing it all the time, wouldn’t that make you a happy person?  I think so.  Smile and the world smiles too, a great expression.  I like doing that as I walk down the street.  How many Chinese will smile at me today?  I of course will smile first, as the sight of a white lady with curly blond hair is so foreign to them.  They can’t but stare.  So I smile, and then they realize they are staring and shoot you back the biggest sometimes toothless grin, you have ever seen.

Remember Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young?  “If you can’t be with the one you love, then Love the one your with.”  I will put a new spin on this song and say “love yourself, if you can’t be with the one you love!”  Learn it is okay to take care of yourself, love yourself and laugh at yourself!  Good advice Bill, thanks!