I don’t know what I don’t know


My ritual cup of coffee in hand, it is a rainy morning, yet I hear someone mowing. Why would you mow in the rain? The noise is disrupting the solitude as I contemplate on decisions to make, places to live and a call that could change my life the very second I receive it.

Good health is one thing I have been fortunate to have. A vegetarian of nearly 20 years, non-smoker and non-drinker, I seem to have the spunk of a 19 year old. The last couple of days I have noticed a lump on my throat and strong pulsations, both which are growing. After consulting with two doctors and an ultrasound, I am waiting on a call from Dr. Ben to explain what is happening with me.

Once again I am sitting on hold in a “gap” of time where you “don’t know what you don’t know.” Without medical knowledge, remaining calm is unsettling. I tell myself it is probably nothing, but with my imagination I can conjure up many scenarios.

Life is always throwing you curve balls. I am looking for places to live, deciding on jobs, and trying to fit back into the “American way of life!” The fast pace is wearing me out. Waiting on this call, I feel stressed and anxious. Being on my own and having medical issues is not what I expected for myself. There is no one to turn to, for help, advice or a shoulder to lay your head on. It is just one of those mornings. I need another cup of coffee. Is it going to storm, clear up and be sunny? It is time to watch the weather station and see how the day plays out.

In the GAP

“In the GAP!” This is the in between space where one has been and where one is going. I am there! Coffee in hand, a nice latte from Starbucks and back to the blog. Jess’s comments on my last post about a coffee, blow-up mattress and a warehouse, might be a true definition describing my future new space. I would add a kitchen with a granite counter, convection oven, a dishwasher and my Jura-Capresso coffee center. I haven’t seen a dishwasher in two years or my coffee maker. Hopes are high it will be soon. My brother-in-law, Jeff describes me as a squatter. Today I am “slumming” around Austin, camped at my daughters duplex in Austin. The possibility of living in this “neck of the woods” intrigues me. Can I find a real artist studio with home attached? Something to consider, since I have a “Do Over” life.

I like the opportunity at my age to make new life changes. I can pick where I want to live, teach if I wish, paint, write, cook and enjoy the last half of my life as I choose. I am free of being
stereotyped as normal, wife, mom, teacher, daughter! Yes, I was these things, but now there is more to me. This empty vessel is ready for filling. Buying the VW doodle bug a couple weeks ago, set that direction for me. I get in it and see the cute little “Black Eyed Susan” flower my sweet sister gave me and off I go on my journey. Didn’t I always say, “It is about the journey and not the destination?”

Enjoying my GAP Time and letting doors open, watching doors close and seeing the new possibilities is so fun. Today I want to drive around, look at homes and see if this is the landing spot. If not, it might be Houston or back to Dallas. China and Australia were good for me. I learned about going with in and exploring the authentic self. Moreover I met honest nice people. I want more of that in my new do-over life.

A Day in the Life


Learning “to be” is a different concept as my past was a life of “doing.” Believing I am retired, is also a new thought or maybe just believing I can live a retired life… is something I am having to get a grip on. Enjoying getting up whenever, having coffee leisurely, tinkering around, cooking and just envisioning myself in a lifestyle I never had is my new direction. My sweet friend Ross is allowing me to do these things in his lovely Queenslander home in Bundaberg, Australia.

I wake up to birds chirping at 5:30 am. Sometimes it is raining or like today a beautiful sunny morning, coffee on the deck, and Bob, the Butcher Bird appears on the rail for a visit. He is a “young’un” with no fear of humans and very curious. What a delight to have a bird just within reach to chat with. His mom shows up with a worm and he is off to have breakfast. A set of rainbow colored birds fly hurriedly by, chipping loudly, it is a family of Lorikeets. They are the most beautiful parrots I have ever seen. I want one for a pet, plus a kangaroo and a koala. Truly Australia is the land of unusually wonderful creatures.

Last Thursday was Australia Day, a celebration day for patriotism and similar to our July 4th, Independence Day. Innes Park was the site of festivities including live music, food, arts and crafts. A very rainy day we sloshed from tent to tent checking out the activities. I was able to pet a blue tongued lizard a young boy was carrying. His dad, the ‘snake man’ gave me a fright with the huge python snake he was letting others hold. Australia has the largest number of venomous snakes in the world, leaving me to think the only good snake is not near me! Time to move on. We walk down the beach, sighting a hawk with a fish in his mouth. The rain is drifting away to reveal a bright sunshiny day.

Critters are abundant here and each day is another wonderful retired day of “being” in OZ.

John Mayer! and no Houston Hair.

John Mayer

October 3, 2010

How do you spell John Mayer?   I bought a CD by him today.  I realize it is pirated because my dyslexic mind saw the title John Marter and never realized it was misspelled.  The picture was of John Mayer but it is a Chinese copy.  I am laughing at this minute looking at the CD cover and listening to the CD.  It’s fabulous, with a DVD of him as well…. And I paid 10 Yuan for it.  I have a feeling I will be in the disc store more than anywhere now.  John Marter, wonder if the John Lennon was Jon Lemon?

Filo and Colina which they pronounce Fin-o and Cole-leah-a accompanied me shopping today.  Does anyone understand the way Chinese spell in English?  We went to Aqua City and had a great time looking at clothes and shoes.  H&M is my favorite shop.  Sam got me hooked on this place when I was in Boston.  Sam I found some really cute skinny legged jeans that bunch up at the ankles for 149 Yuan ($22.50) OMG they are so cute, even the girls liked them.  Shoes, well that was another thing, they are so different than in the US, much more fashionable and unique, but cost more than in the US.  So no shoes today!  Can’t pay $50-80 yet…..  I like DSW in the states and $25 shoes.  Got a toaster oven, yeah now I can “sort of” bake!  Found Kenya coffee in the Starbucks and it is the same price world wide, but you know me and a good cup of java!  KENYA is best, I could thank Kyle for that lesson.  Patti, I found this little gadget at IKEA to frappe warm milk into froth.  I can now make a real latte without a coffee maker.  I found coffee filters and use them to drip my African coffee.  I am getting milk from the milk lady on a daily basis at 6:30 am for 59 Yuan a month.  Someone tell me how cool is it to have milk delivered to your door?

The sun was out all day, with a nice cool breeze.  It was lovely.  I mentioned to the girls I was having a good hair day, because my curls were still curly at 3pm.  It is so humid and damp here or hot and sweaty that my hair ends up damp and sticking to my head like when I lived in Houston.  (Remember “Houston Hair?”)  I told the girls we need to curl their hair, cause no one has curly hair here.  Little did I know that it is unacceptable to have curly hair in China!  They told me that Chinese only have straight hair and if they curled it that would be against the rules at school.  So am I going against the rules?  Yes I guess I am, but I am a teacher and they said that was ok.  Would they look too much like a western girl?  Interesting, so I guess I need my “Free Tibet” shirt and curly hair and I would be a real rebel!  Someone make me a Free Tibet shirt, I am feeling like I need to be a hellion today!

During this beautiful clear afternoon I took pictures out my penthouse balcony windows and realized I could see the furthest point of the Yangtze Bridge.  Wow, it is really far, there are many mountains way off in the distance and countless high rise buildings, and apartments.  It’s amazing how much you can see out my windows, just miles and miles of skyscrapers with people in every window.  China has a huge population and I just never realized what a large place this is.  You can see it all from my window.  I love my view, it is amazing and fascinating.  Fireworks go off almost every hour all over the city and they are spectacular from my view.  I love it here.  China and Chinese people are fantastic.  Americans thought this was a black hole, but I have news for you it is really a red nation of lovely warm friends. Red, yes the color is everywhere and on everything.   I actually feel tall here!  Sarah how do you like that, I can call people here “little ones” like you call me.  Wait till you get here, they will really stare at you, probably more than me!  That makes me laugh, “tall one!”

Jenny and Lynn are thinking I need to date!  Lynn thinks he has some professor friends at Nanjing University that he might set me up with!  OMG!  Dating again, I don’t know!  All my American friends said I would come back with a Chinese guy, I don’t know!  I just don’t think so!  Do you think there is anyone out there that can actually care for me?  I am such a hand full. Jenny is so cute, she says husbands should take care of their wife’s, why would you marry one if he didn’t?  Duh, I did!  Let me count three times I believe!  Women here presume not only should men take care of you, but they should provide a home for you as well.  Like purchase land and a house for you.  Well somewhere I went wrong, and did not get this message in America!  What was I doing working three jobs and paying for it all?  Hello!  I am in China and learning my lessons!

Afternoon at Qingliangshan park

August 29, 2010 Saturday was a busy day. Met up with my American friends and my new British colleague for breakfast at a place called S.I.T = Sculpting in Time! Looks just like a 1950’s British cafe, very quaint. Another latte and pizza…. with corn kernels on it? But tasty! Then a walk around the area, found a place to buy pirated DVD’s. Thought I’d wait on that, not knowing it they would work on my Laptop.

Found a teapot art shop that sold one of a kind maybe antique Chinese teapots. They sold for over $1000. Just gorgeous. Stopped at the grocery and got some yogurt that doesn’t need refrigeration, with a fork, spoon, wash cloth and toilet paper!

Speaking of toilets, let me tell you more in my quest for the western lou, as my British friends are calling it! As we departed S.I.T., I found a hallway with sliding doors, ah they have men/women symbols on them, went to slid the womens door open and low and behold a Chinese guy was sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper. Did I squeal! So I just went to the Mens next door and used that one! Today I am carrying toilet paper.

The afternoon I spent at Qingliangshan Park, about two blocks away, across the street from the “Brain Hospital,” yes that was the name on the sign! Lots of men in their Chinese patterned Pajamas were walking around the hospital and in the park. I just figured they were airing out their brains! The park was old Chinese in style, with ponds and lily’s coming out of the mucky water. (Linda Giordono you need to know I thought of your Buddhist advice on life in the muck and the lily blooming from it! Alais I am in the land of the blooming lily’s! You know Susan means lily!) There was Calligraphy stones with characters on them around the ponds, and some locked buildings with sample Calligraphy on the walls. I think I saw a statue of Kwan Yin. Old men were playing cards, checkers and chatting while their bamboo caged birds sang little songs hanging in the trees next to them. How very charming that was to see.

Last night I went out on the town! Took me 25 minutes to hail a cab. Need to figure out what corner to stand on and how to jump out there without getting run over by hundreds of mopeds and bikes, ching-ching. Met up with Michael, the British Econ teacher and his two friends, John and Sue for a tea. Mine was a loose leaf, maybe a Darjeeling or Oolong but whatever it was defiantly a new experience. Came in a glass coffee mug, with a ton of leaves floating on top and would not sink down. Humm, trying to be the world traveler with my expert Brit tea drinkers I proceeded to drink this straining with my teeth. I think Micheal noticed I was not the seasoned tea drinker and advised me to add water to sink the leaves. Need to read up on teas! Next we are off to a Japanese restaurant for a Vegetarian dinner. These Brits were so sweet they all ordered vegetarian food so I would have plenty. The noodle bowl was tasty, great mushrooms and the broth was scrumptious. There was potato curry and a sliced cucumber dish. Sue had sake and the guys had Kiren beer I believe. I stayed with the hot water they bring you when you sit down. No booze till I get more comfortable, or maybe never with my past husband experience!

Just prior to leaving, tried another lou! Ok got to learn this squatting thing! (Patti remember you told me, squatting brings wealth. Now I know why the Chinese are fiscally viable.) Sue warned me not to lean back or I might fall in the hole! Geez that is not good, so keep my head forward and down. Thanks Sue. Then off for a coffee. Latte please! And another glass of hot water. We had a great conversation about politics, me and my Texas issues with these worldly Brits. Sue did show me where the western toilet was in the Costa coffee house so I would at least know my way around.

Homeward bound, asleep by 11pm and up for a new day. Did laundry in my shower and have it all dripping around the bathroom. By the way my hotel room has a western lou.

Latte found!

August 27, 2010 6:50 am

Up early! That what happens when you are in the future. Found a Cafe yesterday that serves the best Latte’s ever! Three blocks to a real western coffee/bakery shop. Yes better than Starbucks. I do admit the teas here are lovely.

Got a hair dryer for less than $4, what a deal. The grocery store and I are becoming good friends. They have everything, even M&M’s. Paula, my new friend pointed out the Dorian fruit which has the worse smell ever, will stay away from that one. Smells like that trench I visited a couple days ago.

Now I need an umbrella, next purchase! It is so tropical right now and raining. Will rain all week. Temps 69-80ish….. much cooler than Texas. Although I notice it is not in the 100’s in Dallas.

Today was to be the health check up, but it is postponed, which is nice so I can lounge in, write and drink tea. But later must get a taxi to school to check out my room and attend inservice. School is pretty much year round, starting September 1st and ending July 15th. We do have a three week break in February for Chinese New Year.