Empty Vessels and the 3 P’s of Art

My ART! I’ve done some mulling these last few days concerning my style and why do I create as I do? This ruminating of the mind began after I saw a wonderful retrospective art opening by artist Perry House. The Houston ART CAR Museum housed a collection culminating with thirty years of work. What a sense of humor he injects into his pieces on violence. His expressionistic canvases embody foreboding ideas using cheerful color palettes making quite a statement on society. I loved it! Americans are so into the packaging, and he sure had a way of showing it.

Thinking about art to create and commentary has spurred a review of my work. Brainstorming words, “Empty Vessels,” comes to mind whether that be people, places or pottery. This acronym, “The 3 P’s!” describes my work in a “less is more” vocabulary. In general empty spaces appear in landscapes with extreme cropping, strong lighting and shadows. The people I chose seem to be looking another way, are expressionless and empty. Pottery I create in bowl forms incorporate slip painting of blank looking blue cubist women. So what does that say about me? Am I rummaging to fill the desolate spaces, do I show society in its infinitesimal form or am I probing for light to feature dismal objects? You the reader may think I am over analyzing my exploration of art. To me I am trying to figure out my purpose and why do I pick this subject matter.

Homeless at this point, living off family and running around like a gypsy with two suitcases in a green doodle bug, I am looking for a nest! For two years I have flitted around the world, learning and teaching. Time to settle down and create for real. This time the art space is more important than the living space. I need to have an ART STUDIO. Where that will be is still another journey and as always another story!

The Path of “Boring”

When you start a new relationship everything is fresh and wonderful, you are all “gaga.” As the novelty wears off you have to face the real you, your inner personality and the issues or demons that you hide. I think not only with new romantic relationships but with with all people you meet, you set boundaries and begin dialogue.

In each relationship we can revert back to old stereotypical roles we may have played in childhood, with boyfriends, girlfriends, or with past husbands or wives. I am breaking out of these old roles with toxic dialogues into a healthy role of an adult with a nice calm dialogue. I recall my attractions were to troubled, distant, moody men, usually emotionally unavailable and addicted to alcohol. Roles we played were rescuer “trying to help”; or persecutor “trying to blame”; or role of victim “the one who is helpless and blameless.” This becomes a game and you can act out any of these roles at any time you please. To step away from this and work in a healthy role is challenging for some one who has had a dysfunctional life.

Working on a healthy relationship is what I call “different, virgin territory and sometimes boring.” You would wonder why boring, because there is no drama or chaos. I have loved that “high” in my relationships but no more. I am finding when there is no action, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I am not sure how to act, how to cultivate a continually nice relationship, where someone actually cares about me, and my welfare. Having found someone who loves me, just the way I am and is there for me is so amazingly different. Finding mutual interests is more fun than commiserating endlessly over obsessed and unhealthy conversation.

As I walk a path to a new way of living I am hoping to be joined by new friends in a more peaceful world. I sometimes catch myself looking for or about to step into a toxic dilemma. I have a fear that the calm life is not working. I am curious has anyone else noticed once you have changed into a healthy lifestyle what do you do with yourself when you seem to want to fall back into the stimulation of chaotic drama instead of enjoying the “boring” life? Any helpful ideas would be appreciated.

What is the meaning of life?

Ever really wonder what the meaning of life is?  Why was I put here in the first place?  Where did I come from?  What is the purpose in my life?  Maybe I was hatched in a nest?  Oops, that is a thought a chicken has.  For that matter can chickens think?  And what really came first the chicken or that darn egg?

In reality,  the reason we are here revolves around our beliefs or dogmas.  It could be our belief in God, our Christ-self, the universal consciousness, our Buddha nature, a supreme being or deity, maybe a supernatural being or simply a creator.  We are taught about a higher being by our parents through our upbringing.  We each have different beliefs.  Ever get in a discussion about God with someone who thinks differently?  Ding-dong  Jehovah Witness calling!  Quite a contest to see who has the better God, isn’t it?

During the past two weeks, while I was sick, I realized how very alone I am.  Being ill puts a whole new perspective on the meaning of life.  When I was in bed for days I began to understand true aloneness.  No one was here to help me, care for me, or just chat with me.  It was just me and myself.  I began to ponder how did I get to China.  Last year at this time I was in Allen, Texas teaching school, living by myself, and wondering what had happened to my life.   It was like a volcano had erupted in my life and just devastated every part of my daily living.  What could I do to stop the continuous magma flow?  I came to China to remove all the horrific events from my mind.  Did it work?  Yes, I would say I was just picked up from one side of the earth and sat on the other side.  In China nothing is the same and everything must be thought out completely.  The process of living here has kept my mind busy and in a way it plugged up my volcano, like a wine cork in a bottle.   Moving here stripped me of all my material possessions and the people in my life.  I now must look at myself and really see who I am.

I think about my “issues” of caring for people and why I throw myself into obsessive relationships with men, teaching long hours, and multi-tasking  where I need to be in control and stay so busy.  My friend Patti told me the time here with my aloneness would make me look at me.  As if removing all the extraneous stuff from my periphery and viewing the raw me.  It  is the time and the place to find out who I am.

The emerging of the real Susan is coming to light.  Always a kind person and one who would do everything for you, she is one not  in-charge of everyone’s everything, anymore!  Still generous, she now allows others to pay her way, pick up things for her and take care of her without always doing it herself.  She listens to advice from friends when things get difficult and actually uses their advice.  She has even been known to write it down and save the wisdom for later.  She still has a tendency to want to be first, something she has always done, but now she will stand back and let someone answer first, just listen and follow behind.  It is a new sensation.  A different, sometimes uncomfortable feeling.   It is like changing your karma, making a different path, trying to correct a crazy wrong that always seemed right.  She likes the new sweet soul shining through a delicate soft gossamer aura.

Life works if you let it.  May you in your aloneness see who you really are.   Above all, may you love that sweet breath of  life the great creator blew into your being.  Yes, you wonderful you.

Norman’s mom June

A dear friend’s mom died this week.   Norman said his mom’s cardiologist described her as joyful and infectiously playful and to include that in her obituary.   June was a mother who lost a 23 year old and a 35 year old.  She said in concern to her lost children “well you either let it destroy you or you become more compassionate of others!”  Having lost a 29 year old, I walk a similar path as June.

Every day I awake and face my life head on.  I smile and greet unfamiliar faces on my way to work.  Little children sometimes giggle and hide behind their mom.  The old grandmotherly women tell me to dress warmer.  The old wrinkled Chinese men curiously eye the American with blond hair. I say Ni Hao to see if they will speak back to me. I spend extra time with students that need special attention because their English is poor.   Anger is something I no longer want in my life, only happiness and joy.

To Norman, thank you for sharing your story.  I hope when I die the same will be said about me.

Norman’s favorite quote:
“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is thank you…it will be enough” Meister Eckhart -13th Century


The philosophy of painting a life story.

Past thoughts are like a work of art.   It is already painted, hung on the wall and viewed.  Our thoughts should be like this.  Already did that,  finished and moving on.  A painter knows it is difficult to go back and rework a painting.  Typically, once you finish and return to paint you have lost the “zone” you were in at the moment you were painting.  The likelihood of getting it back is slim.  When recalling thoughts of past love, loss,  and sad times, it is best to observe them like a painting.  Frame it and hang it.  Reworking those times in your head, honestly it just doesn’t work.  The painting is finished, like the past life experiences.

From my artist view point,  it’s time to move on and paint something new and fresh.  How about you?  Are you still reworking life’s tragedies?  Well stop it!   Today create a new composition.  You may not be an artist but you can create a new life story.

Saturday morning I became a student of a 16 year old who has five years of Chinese traditional painting under his belt.  I pulled out my new bamboo brush dipped it in ink and started painting.  He stopped me!  The line must show more emotion from thick to thin in the blades of grass.  I should paint with more feeling.  He would correct my fingers and the way I held the brush many times.  He was so patient and constantly showed me how to paint leaves.  He has practiced the art of painting leaves for a year and I thought I could pick it up in a day.  NO way.  There is a specific way to create each part of nature according to my young Chinese teacher.  I would watch him paint.  Then I would copy his strokes.  I quickly forgot and couldn’t do it again to save my soul.  He never laughed just keep showing me again and again.  Is this what I need in my story of life, someone to show me again and again how to do it right?  I am beginning to wonder.

Is life a painting?  Think about that just a moment.  If  life is a painting, what does your’s look like?  Is it beautifully executed  or retouched and muddy.   Have you hung it on the wall or do you rework it over and over?  Today lets stop reworking our paintings, lets create a new one to hang on the wall?  You need some new supplies or new thoughts.  For me I bought all new supplies in a shopping trip to “Fu Zi Meow” or Confucius Temple shopping mall.  New bamboo brush, ink, felt pad, paper, and a couple of  “how to”  books in Chinese.  Fresh start.  New supplies are like new thoughts.  What do you want to paint?  I want to paint a mountain with misty clouds… but first I need to learn grass, rocks, leaves and flowers.   This is the start of my creation, a thought provoking mountain landscape.  Must learn the parts to create the whole composition according to my young teacher.  Like life, get all the pieces in order to create a great life painting.

Pieces?  What are your pieces?  Think for a moment, all the sweet things in your life.  Do you need to thank someone for something they did for you?  Maybe a child cut their finger and you were able to offer a band-aide and compassion to heal their wound and dry a tear.  Have you talked to your child today?  No!  My suggestion is call them and say “I love you”  for no reason.  Write them an email or text them a nice message.  Know an old person that is lonely, then go visit them?  Don’t know an old person, then call your grandmother and say hi.  You can smile at someone when your walking down the street.  Take someone to lunch and pay for it.  See someone on the street begging for money, then give them a coin or two.   Your painting becomes a compassionate one, one with tender feelings and love.  Every minute you are painting a life story, make yours beautiful, full of wonderful emotions and lovely memories.

Remember you can’t go back and rework it or you will muddy it up.

Start creating your story of life.  Reflect and step back, look at it and admire the effort you spent on it.  You might want to do this every evening just before you fall sleep, recall all the events of the day and say, “What a nice composition I created.”  Then fall asleep, and awake to a new day and start your new work of art.

What are you creating?  Hit the reply button and tell me what it is you created today!

Being treated nicely. How to make it happen.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Who wrote this?  This has been in our culture and taught to children for years.  I recall it on my 3rd grade wooden ruler inscribed “The Golden Rule.”   Any idea?  Think a moment.  Was it an American politician, president perhaps, maybe even Mark Twain.  Wrong, all wrong it was Confucius.  Didn’t know you had been taught the Chinese philosophy of Confucius since you were a child?  You have an international perspective, yes?  This is a wonderful belief, but do you practice it?

Let’s think about it, how is it you want to be treated?  Do you like others to open doors for you, not talk back to you or maybe just not raise their voice?  You could make a list of actions on the way you wish to be treated.  This would give you a picture on the things you need to work on.   What is your major one belief?  Ask yourself, “I want people to treat me ___________.”  Fill in the blank.   My personal belief is:  I like people to look me in the eye and speak honestly to me.  What did you decide your need is?

Now lets put this into action.  For you to recieve this treatment, you would need to do the same to others, correct?  For me I want others to be honest so I would look you in the eye and speak honestly to you.  This can be a disaster if I get too honest in my actions!  Therefore I am learning to watch my honest comments.  Being honest can actually hurt feelings. So I work daily on this along with other attitudes I value.   I think expectations are important here. What is it you expect from others?   This is a life long commitment you make to yourself, to treat others as if they were you.  Many of our great masters did this, not just Confucius (500 BC), but Jesus, Buddha and Mohammad. (It is in Matthew 7.12).  Maybe Jesus studied Asian philosophizes too.

Think about the next time some one cuts in front of you in traffic, instead of yelling at them, think he’s in a hurry he needs to get in front of me.  He could be hurrying to pick up his child, let him go and bless him.  Maybe he’s not, but bless him anyway.  What would it hurt to bless someone who is miserable?  Nothing, you just sent some sweet energy to someone who probably needs it.  Do it more often and you will find you are happier and more content with yourself.  Maybe next time you cut in front of someone, you look up apologize with a wave, they smile back and let you in.  It happens, good things really happen.  (By the way I miss driving my car in China, so do an extra wave for me when you are out driving and get stuck in traffic!)  That would be a happy thought you could send me.  Sweet energy everywhere.

Today work on treating others nicely, or as Confucius would say create a more “benevolent society,” one of his favorite set of words.

Shanghai– Jade Temple

Shanghai is quickly accessible by the bullet train.  I was up early and in Shanghai by 9 am.  This was one of the best train rides ever, so smooth.  I remember riding the Santa Fe train between Dallas and Ponca City, Oklahoma as a child with my cousin Mary, my grandpa and grandma.  Back then the porters were African-American, this time Chinese stewardesses in purple outfits with cocked hats were our porters.   My new traveling friend Daisy made all the arrangements with her Shanghai friends showing us around.  What a delightful treat.

The view from the train was dank in color, mostly white, gray, beige and brick red.  Many factories with smoking chimneys dotted the landscape.  When there wasn’t a factory, I could see farmland in checkered squares of green.  All the land was in use, with apartment high rises filling in the gaps.

First stop the French Quarter, here the architecture was similar to the Louisiana French Quarter with a Chinese flair.  Then on to the art market, in a sectioned off alley way.  This was were I found my red bean in the “Love of my Life” blog. (If you haven’t read it, go read it!  It is short and terribly funny!) I also saw some nice art prints, mass produced acrylics and lots of fun cheap trinkets.  The alleys in the rain were more fun to photograph than shopping.  I took some artsy pictures.

Another taxi and to the Buddhist Jade Temple.  By now the rain is coming down in buckets so we eat in the vegetarian restruant located upstairs in the temple.  Daisy and Hazel, my Chinese friends had never eaten vegetarian mock meats so this was something new for them.  After dinner we walked through the temple eying all the Buddhas jade, gold and human.  I told the girls the story of the “Happy Buddha.”  The origin of my happy Buddha story is from being awakened in January 2010 by a ghost visit from Andy, my son who the previous October died from cancer.  He was in a long black rain coat, which I thought was odd but when you are asleep anything happens.  I got up and went to the kitchen to write this story down.   He told me in heaven there are many rooms and the one he was most excited about visiting was the “Room of Happy Thoughts.”  In this room he said all our happy thoughts are collected.  When we die we can visit this room and see all our happy memories from our life.  He said my room and his were full of happy thoughts.  He told me to make a happy thought and it would appear right before him.  At 2 am I had no happy thoughts.  He kept persuading me to think.  Sitting at the kitchen table, I looked toward the lazy Susan where the salt and pepper shakers are sitting.  Next to them was a tiny happy Buddha figurine I had bought at the Crow Asian Museum in Dallas.  I held it in my hand and said “Andy, look a happy Buddha, that’s a happy thought!”  Then without realizing it I visualized it to eight feet tall in my head.  Then I heard Andy, yell in my head, “You just scared the shit out of me!”  There is a happy thought –giving Andy a fright.  I think I am still laughing about this.  My room of happy thoughts is full of happy Buddhas!

As we walked up a flight of stairs to see the Jade Buddha, which I wasn’t allowed to photograph, we came to a wooden Buddha relic.  It was full of coins.  The idea is to insert a coin somewhere in the relic without it falling out and you will be prosperous.  The three of us did this and my coin is next to a “Happy Buddha.”

The Jade Buddha was in a lavish room and roped off.  As I stood there looking at it, I noticed two women ask the guard for a bottle of yellow colored oil and then payed for it.  They held the twelve ounce bottle between their hands in prayer fashion and said a silent prayer.  When they were finished the guard came and took the oil, walked to the alter, opened the bottle and poured it into a bowl with a burning flame.  The prayer was now in the oil and would be carried up to the flame and away in the smoke to the great Buddhas in the ethers.  It was a lovely way to pray.

Next we went to the Bund which is a walkway along the river.  I couldn’t believe how beautiful the lights decorated the buildings.  (Images that could be oil painted by G. Harvey)  We walked with our umbrellas up to a shopping mall that resembles old Chinese architecture.  Rain soaked we taxied back to the hotel and tumbled in bed.  Tomorrow the world expo.

John Mayer! and no Houston Hair.

John Mayer

October 3, 2010

How do you spell John Mayer?   I bought a CD by him today.  I realize it is pirated because my dyslexic mind saw the title John Marter and never realized it was misspelled.  The picture was of John Mayer but it is a Chinese copy.  I am laughing at this minute looking at the CD cover and listening to the CD.  It’s fabulous, with a DVD of him as well…. And I paid 10 Yuan for it.  I have a feeling I will be in the disc store more than anywhere now.  John Marter, wonder if the John Lennon was Jon Lemon?

Filo and Colina which they pronounce Fin-o and Cole-leah-a accompanied me shopping today.  Does anyone understand the way Chinese spell in English?  We went to Aqua City and had a great time looking at clothes and shoes.  H&M is my favorite shop.  Sam got me hooked on this place when I was in Boston.  Sam I found some really cute skinny legged jeans that bunch up at the ankles for 149 Yuan ($22.50) OMG they are so cute, even the girls liked them.  Shoes, well that was another thing, they are so different than in the US, much more fashionable and unique, but cost more than in the US.  So no shoes today!  Can’t pay $50-80 yet…..  I like DSW in the states and $25 shoes.  Got a toaster oven, yeah now I can “sort of” bake!  Found Kenya coffee in the Starbucks and it is the same price world wide, but you know me and a good cup of java!  KENYA is best, I could thank Kyle for that lesson.  Patti, I found this little gadget at IKEA to frappe warm milk into froth.  I can now make a real latte without a coffee maker.  I found coffee filters and use them to drip my African coffee.  I am getting milk from the milk lady on a daily basis at 6:30 am for 59 Yuan a month.  Someone tell me how cool is it to have milk delivered to your door?

The sun was out all day, with a nice cool breeze.  It was lovely.  I mentioned to the girls I was having a good hair day, because my curls were still curly at 3pm.  It is so humid and damp here or hot and sweaty that my hair ends up damp and sticking to my head like when I lived in Houston.  (Remember “Houston Hair?”)  I told the girls we need to curl their hair, cause no one has curly hair here.  Little did I know that it is unacceptable to have curly hair in China!  They told me that Chinese only have straight hair and if they curled it that would be against the rules at school.  So am I going against the rules?  Yes I guess I am, but I am a teacher and they said that was ok.  Would they look too much like a western girl?  Interesting, so I guess I need my “Free Tibet” shirt and curly hair and I would be a real rebel!  Someone make me a Free Tibet shirt, I am feeling like I need to be a hellion today!

During this beautiful clear afternoon I took pictures out my penthouse balcony windows and realized I could see the furthest point of the Yangtze Bridge.  Wow, it is really far, there are many mountains way off in the distance and countless high rise buildings, and apartments.  It’s amazing how much you can see out my windows, just miles and miles of skyscrapers with people in every window.  China has a huge population and I just never realized what a large place this is.  You can see it all from my window.  I love my view, it is amazing and fascinating.  Fireworks go off almost every hour all over the city and they are spectacular from my view.  I love it here.  China and Chinese people are fantastic.  Americans thought this was a black hole, but I have news for you it is really a red nation of lovely warm friends. Red, yes the color is everywhere and on everything.   I actually feel tall here!  Sarah how do you like that, I can call people here “little ones” like you call me.  Wait till you get here, they will really stare at you, probably more than me!  That makes me laugh, “tall one!”

Jenny and Lynn are thinking I need to date!  Lynn thinks he has some professor friends at Nanjing University that he might set me up with!  OMG!  Dating again, I don’t know!  All my American friends said I would come back with a Chinese guy, I don’t know!  I just don’t think so!  Do you think there is anyone out there that can actually care for me?  I am such a hand full. Jenny is so cute, she says husbands should take care of their wife’s, why would you marry one if he didn’t?  Duh, I did!  Let me count three times I believe!  Women here presume not only should men take care of you, but they should provide a home for you as well.  Like purchase land and a house for you.  Well somewhere I went wrong, and did not get this message in America!  What was I doing working three jobs and paying for it all?  Hello!  I am in China and learning my lessons!