Dharma Wheel again?

Trauma, memories! You think they are gone, but no they don’t go away. Hidden in the recesseses of your mind, until one day another incident happens. Wham! They reappear and you see them as clearly as when they first happened, like a big screen movie. There was the day Trevor had a seizure in my classroom and quit breathing, the awful day Andy died, and then last week finding Ross passed out by the coy pond, head hit, bloody lip and not breathing. Why? Why me? Why am I the one in these situations? What is God trying to say to me? Life is just one foot in and one foot out, fragile like a fine imported crystal wine glass, drop it, the shattering pieces go everywhere. My life is like glass, it shatters over and over, pieces here and there. Why in one instance our lives seem fine and the next there is a dreadful rush of adrenaline, quick decisions to make and frenzy to save a life? It just spins all around and suddenly I find I am in the middle again.

Life replays, different actors but same story. It seems to me incidences are repeatedly happening again, the drama, the trauma, the unbelievable exhaustion. The running, yes the running, I am running away from it all mentally and physically. Dharma? Karma? Double dipped dose of doing it over and over!

Barbara Myss wrote a book on “Contracts” — something I partially read years ago. But one thing did stick and that is we are here for a reason, a lesson so to speak with people we already knew before we incarnated. All of us intermingle with each other teaching lessons to one another. Each lesson is one step to further our soul’s enlightenment. So what is the lesson, why do it again and again? Haven’t I got it right, can I move on or am I on the constant dharma wheel?

8 Million and the “Joker”

October 5, 2010

I was trying to figure out my metal rice box container on rollers located under my kitchen cabinet when Michael called and said meet him at S.I.T (Sculpting in Time) for lunch.  Many of the taxi drivers don’t know where this ex-pat place is so I called Alice to get it said in Chinese.  The last time I had a driver drop me off, I ended up a couple blocks away and was lost.  There are no outstanding landmarks and every place begins to look the same, especially if you can’t read Chinese characters.   This time I was dropped off right in front, need to get Alice to write that out for me in Chinese.  I met up with Michael and he introduced me to Derrick and Annette, a married couple from England.  Derrick and Michael taught together last year.  They have an electric bike to buzz around in and said their drive is 25 minutes from their new place in the “burbs!”  A long way, but they have more western furnishings, like a “UK bouncy” bed and dryer!  The population of the city was a major discussion.  I read it was 2.8 million.  The men said hardly, it was more like 8 million.  In five years it has doubled as people want to be closer to the conveniences of the city and better jobs.  No wonder I think it is so huge, it’s like New York.  Alice and Sawyer joined up for lunch.  Then the three of us took off walking and searching for light bulbs.  We actually found a vendor on the street that had what I needed, so I bought three.  This business of being able to find specialty items in specific places persuades me to buy extra.  I ask for a business card, so I can find his place again.  My wallet if bulging with business cards after living here a month and a half.

Sawyer wants to watch movies so we head back to my place.  He invites a movie editor friend visiting from Beijing.  His name is “Joker” like in the Batman movie.  What is it with strange American names, Chinese people give themselves?  He brought an old Michael Douglas movie, “The Game.”  Joker says it is one of his favorites.  It is an old 90’s movie and edgy.  I wasn’t too excited about the plot.  Afterwards we had a discussion about what Americans watch on TV.  He has a preconceived notion Americans watch old movies, like black and whites from the 40’s up to the 80’s!  He likes “Bonnie and Clyde” and watches it repeatedly.  I am thinking Americans are more interested in new flicks, not old stuff like on the Turner network.   The discussion went to political land accessions of China, such as Taiwan, North Korea and Tibet.  Are these separate countries or Chinese?  Would I be arrested if I wore a “Free Tibet” T-shirt?  Sawyer said, nah, not that many people can read English and would just pass me by on the street!  Now if I was in Tiananmen Square that might be different.  Ok no protesting there!  The conversation over democracy whiffs in the air and we decide China is becoming democratic and maybe the US is becoming socialist!  Are the countries flipping beliefs? Somehow the conversation drifts to an in depth debate about ghosts.  We discuss “The Sixth Sense.’  Joker and I agree it is an intense movie.  He doesn’t believe in God or ghosts!  Oh my, I can debate this issue for hours.  He has no idea what metaphysics or theosophy is so we can’t get to in-depth. I am reminded he just like movies, which is why, he is a movie trailer editor.

I realize without my cell phone, internet or TV I spend much of my time in discussion with people.  I like being connected and not distracted.  I like the cultural education I am getting.