Trauma, memories! You think they are gone, but no they don’t go away. Hidden in the recesseses of your mind, until one day another incident happens. Wham! They reappear and you see them as clearly as when they first happened, like a big screen movie. There was the day Trevor had a seizure in my classroom and quit breathing, the awful day Andy died, and then last week finding Ross passed out by the coy pond, head hit, bloody lip and not breathing. Why? Why me? Why am I the one in these situations? What is God trying to say to me? Life is just one foot in and one foot out, fragile like a fine imported crystal wine glass, drop it, the shattering pieces go everywhere. My life is like glass, it shatters over and over, pieces here and there. Why in one instance our lives seem fine and the next there is a dreadful rush of adrenaline, quick decisions to make and frenzy to save a life? It just spins all around and suddenly I find I am in the middle again.
Life replays, different actors but same story. It seems to me incidences are repeatedly happening again, the drama, the trauma, the unbelievable exhaustion. The running, yes the running, I am running away from it all mentally and physically. Dharma? Karma? Double dipped dose of doing it over and over!
Barbara Myss wrote a book on “Contracts” — something I partially read years ago. But one thing did stick and that is we are here for a reason, a lesson so to speak with people we already knew before we incarnated. All of us intermingle with each other teaching lessons to one another. Each lesson is one step to further our soul’s enlightenment. So what is the lesson, why do it again and again? Haven’t I got it right, can I move on or am I on the constant dharma wheel?
