Today was one of those days. I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and seeing the hospital room, the dying patient, the blood, the organs being harvested, the doctors, and the wife having to deal with death, it just took me over. Teary eyed, glaring at the TV set, I focused my glazed eyes above the screen. Perched on top was a picture, a beautiful picture of my family taken at my nieces wedding almost two years ago. There was Andy with his date, a talkative little blond. He looks so handsome standing next to Chris and Sam. Sam has a beautiful blue dress on I bought her. They too will be married in the next couple months. Next to Sam is Randy in the middle with a big grin. Kyle and I are together, we look like a cute couple. Lastly is Sarah in a aqua colored sun dress and Casey very smartly dressed in black. Another handsome couple soon to move out of Texas and on to California. That was the last picture of my family before it all fell apart. Four months later Andy would die suddenly of acute Leukemia, and my marriage to Kyle would end.

I sit here now and just peer at this picture thinking what a happy moment in time, just a quick second and flash it was gone. Where does time go? All those beautiful moments you spend with ones you love turn into a glossy piece of paper. Life is constantly changing. They say change is good. Yeah, well what is good about the loss of a son? Nothing. Then I think when will these sad feelings ever go away? I realize probably never, something as a mother I will have to deal with forever.

I miss Andy! I miss them all. I live in China and missing family is an ever day reminder. Teaching and living here is easy. Living without family is not. It won’t be long and I will be back in Dallas for a couple months. When I see my children, I will hug them for a long time. I may not let them go.

My little broken heart needs a big band-aide, a few hugs and an “I love you,” to carry on. Yes, carrying on, it is about the caring of one another and the carrying burdens for each other. Like I said in a past post it is the “Carriage” relationships that work. My children are my carriage.