This healing experience I am doing, there is one thing I have learned about me: “You can take the girl out of the fixing, but you can’t take the fixing out of the girl.” Here I am in China, far away from all my problems and I still rehash my co-dependent tendencies. This time I am learning how to ask for what I need. I’ve had a couple of opportunities in the last few days to work through those reoccurring issues. Learning to ask for what you need is really a difficult test for me. Ann Sauve and I had a good skype talk and she helped me clarify my new needs as a recovering co-dependent. She too has those co-dependent issues and has happily worked through hers. Her sweet husband Pete, will notice when she is “clamming up” and unhappy. He then prompts her to tell him what she needs. They have worked through the beginning speed bumps in the road of their relationship. She is a master at recognizing this problem and helping me see it. I never expected she would be teaching me how to recover.
Today I took time out for just me, and sat on my 28th floor balcony over looking Nanjing to soak up the polluted sun rays. I am the only one in town in a tank top, flip flops and a pair of mustard colored ladybug boys boxer shorts enjoying a sun tan Sunday! Me and my sudoko book, thinking and working number puzzles. I think too much. I try to fix things in my mind and it spills over into fixing men! I have a post-it note on my kitchen wall to remind me– “I am such a good cook, I can take anything and make it into something, except MEN!” I can’t fix men, I tried in a past relationship, but not anymore. They can fix themselves now. No, it is just me in this life of “singlehoodness,” and like Ann I ask those around me to help more. Today someone did just that and said “Tell me what you want.” Wow, I like that option. Yes, it made me feel like he cared about me and my needs. I am looking for that now in everyone I meet, especially men. A man that is strong enough to understand who he is and be genuinely interested in my well-being. Now wouldn’t that be the perfect mix?
If you are wondering how I am doing, then ask me. If I am quiet, seem confused, or just plain losing it then just ask me what I need. I need to speak up and tell you. It is how I am fixing this girl!